By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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