I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize