I can't watch pbs sober anymore
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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