I can tuck mytits in my pants
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Boobs speak an international language.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
