Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
