cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
