she looked like the bat from fern gully.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize