My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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