that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
