I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
