Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
