Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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