There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Shame - the story of my life.
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