wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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