As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
