dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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