her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
