y did u give ur computer a hand job?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
