Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
