what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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