I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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