I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
