ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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