If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
