i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
