i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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