I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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