I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize