In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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