All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I love you. Go after that dick
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
