Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Couch. On fire.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
