I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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