we're blogging at a bar
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
