Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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