k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
