So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
