It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
