I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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