I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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