i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
