we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
