Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
