Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
