At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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