Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
