Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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