think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
