Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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