I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
