I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
