Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
