Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
