everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
