Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
