so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
