I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
