They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
