It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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