I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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