Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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