I think scott just propositioned me for sex
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
