C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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