I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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