this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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