K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
