I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
