i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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