Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
