Soap is not a condiment
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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