your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
