Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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