I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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