the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
